Taarof, die iranische Ritualhöflichkeit: der Wechsel aus Angebot, Ablehnung und Drängen beim Bezahlen im Laden oder Taxi, an der Tür und beim Tee, die festen Wendungen بفرمایید، قابلی نداره، دستتون درد نکنه، خسته نباشید und Ehrerbietungsverben.
Kann Taarof beim Bezahlen, an der Tür und beim Tee erkennen, mit den passenden festen Wendungen antworten und ein Ritualangebot von einem echten unterscheiden.
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چقدر تقدیم کنم؟ قابلی نداره.
Was bin ich Ihnen schuldig? Ach, das ist doch nichts.
بفرمایید، شما اول.
Bitte, Sie zuerst.
دستتون درد نکنه، خیلی خوشمزه بود.
Vielen Dank, es war köstlich.
خسته نباشید!
Danke für Ihre Mühe!
Achte auf die hervorgehobenen Teile. Was haben sie gemeinsam?
تعارف (ta'ârof) is the Iranian art of ritual politeness: offering what you do not expect to be accepted, refusing what you would like to accept, and insisting until the other side gives in. It is not insincerity; it is a script both sides know, and once you know it too, a lot of everyday Iranian conversation makes sense.
Romanization follows Tehran pronunciation: â is the long a, kh is the "ch" of Scottish loch, gh stands for both غ and ق, and ' marks a glottal stop.
An offer is often turned down at first, and the host or seller insists. A first 'no' therefore tends to mean 'ask me again', and a real 'no' is said more firmly, more than once, with a reason. Most exchanges settle after two or three rounds.
You ask the price, and the shopkeeper or taxi driver may say قابلی نداره (ghâbeli nadâre) - 'it's not worthy of you', meaning 'be my guest'. This is ta'arof, not a gift. Thank them and insist, and they will name the price:
Two people reach a doorway and each insists the other go first: بفرمایید (befarmâyid, spoken befarmâin) - After you! / نه، خواهش می‌کنم، شما بفرمایید. - No, please, you first. The guest or the older person usually ends up going through.
A host offers tea or fruit; a polite guest may first decline with زحمت نکشید (zahmat nakeshid) - Please don't go to any trouble. The host answers تعارف نکنید! (ta'ârof nakonid) - Don't stand on ceremony! and puts the glass down in front of you anyway. If you are full, say it plainly and repeat it: واقعاً مرسی، سیر شدم. (vâghe'an mersi, sir shodam) - Really, thank you, I'm full.
| Persian | Romanization | Literally | Used |
|---|---|---|---|
| بفرمایید | befarmâyid | please command | come in, sit down, help yourself, after you |
| قابلی نداره | ghâbeli nadâre | it has no worth | a ritual 'it's free' or 'it's nothing' |
| دستتون درد نکنه | dastetun dard nakone | may your hand not hurt | thanks for cooking, a gift or a favour |
| سرتون درد نکنه | saretun dard nakone | may your head not hurt | the reply to the phrase above |
| خسته نباشید | khaste nabâshid | may you not be tired | to someone working, or at the end of a working day |
| نوش جان | nush-e jân | may it nourish your soul | said to someone who is eating or has eaten |
| چشم | cheshm | eye | certainly, I'll do it |
| قربونت برم | ghorbunet beram | may I be sacrificed for you | warm spoken thanks or goodbye between friends and family |
Ta'arof also lives in the grammar. For other people you use elevated verbs, for yourself plain or humble ones: کی تشریف آوردید؟ (key tashrif âvordid?) - When did you arrive? (honorific 'come'), but من دیروز آمدم - I arrived yesterday. In formal speech فرمودید (farmudid, you said) is the polite counterpart of گفتید, while for yourself you may say عرض کردم ('arz kardam, I humbly said).
The closest English match is 'Oh, you shouldn't have', multiplied. Expect a first refusal and offer again; when you are offered something, a first 'no, thank you' is polite, and accepting on the second round is fine. When a taxi driver says قابلی نداره, pay.
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Übungsaufgabenچقدر تقدیم کنم؟ قابلی نداره.
Was bin ich Ihnen schuldig? Ach, das ist doch nichts.
Spoken: the customer's very polite question and the seller's ritual reply. قابلی نداره is ta'arof: insist, and the seller will name the price.
بفرمایید، شما اول.
Bitte, Sie zuerst.
Spoken: بفرمایید (befarmâyid) at the doorway; both sides insist before someone goes through.
دستتون درد نکنه، خیلی خوشمزه بود.
Vielen Dank, es war köstlich.
Spoken: دستتون درد نکنه (dastetun dard nakone) = may your hand not hurt, the thanks for a meal. The cook answers سرتون درد نکنه or نوش جان.
خسته نباشید!
Danke für Ihre Mühe!
Spoken greeting to someone working, literally 'may you not be tired'. The answer is سلامت باشید (salâmat bâshid) or ممنون.
تعارف نکنید، یه چای دیگه بخورید.
Keine falsche Bescheidenheit, trinken Sie noch einen Tee.
Spoken: the host's answer to a polite refusal. تعارف کردن = to perform ta'arof; the negative imperative نکنید asks the guest to drop it.
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